Is speaking really about complying?

This writing is prompted by a short video clip on TikTok I came across recently. A person described that she didn’t give the yoghurt to the child until he said the word, and that she brought the spoon close to his mouth and waited until he said the word 😔.

This was just a short clip and not a full interview, but it raised some serious concerns about how communication is understood and approached. Sadly, this is not the first time I have come across this kind of approach being used with young children with communication challenges.

❓Is it ethically right to withhold food from a child, especially when they are hungry, in order to make them speak?

Saying a word is not as easy as it may seem to most of us. Speech requires the integration of many internal and external systems, such as cognitive, sensory, emotional, motor, environmental and social. When a child doesn’t speak, it’s not his stubbornness. And it’s not poor parenting. It can be a real challenge for that child. Some children may take longer to integrate all the systems and come up with a word.

Is this what we really mean by communication? We are getting communication all wrong.

Communication doesn’t grow under pressure. It cannot be accessed by placing conditions on a child.

Yet, we often see the child’s ability to speak is turned into a tool for control, which means demanding obedience. Success is then measured by how well the child complies with the adult’s demand. From my experience, these approaches that put pressure on the child to speak continue to spread due to:

1. Lack of understanding about child communication development
2. The child’s obedience is often rewarded in many settings.
3. Caregivers, teachers, and even some professionals may not have access to alternative, child-centred strategies. Often, they are doing the best they can with what they know.
4. A rush to “fix” the child – There is often urgency to get the child to talk, due to fear of academic failures, comparisons, or educational pressures.

These approaches can really damage a child’s sense of safety, autonomy, and emotional well-being.

So it is time to pause and ask:

❓ Are we truly supporting communication, or are we using speech as a tool to demand obedience?

It’s time to reflect deeply 💭💭.
Because children deserve more than just words. They deserve respect, patience, and unconditional support.